Are you a person who tends to speak quietly? And do you worry that this can make you look weak and lack confidence? In this 12-minute video, Charisma on Command goes through four tricks that can make you become charismatic without needing to be loud or over the top.
- Use Hand Signals/Eye Contact/Pause to Capture Attention.
- Share Praise to Others.
- Use Body Language.
- Be Non-Reactive.
1. Use Hand Signals/Eye Contact/Pause to Capture Attention.
A BIG Question: How to grab and hold attention in conversation? (0:21)
- Often difficult for quiet people.
- You end up being talked over by the louder people in the group.
- Example: Will Smith grabs hold of a conversation simply by being the loudest. (0:31)
- You end up being talked over by the louder people in the group.
Trick: Use hand gestures to grab attention (even just for 1 second).
- There is a lot we can learn from Keanu Reeves.
- Example: Reeves uses hand gestures to stay relevant in a conversation initiated by others. (1:00)
- Example: Keanu uses a similar trick to maintain attention while he speaks while describing his motorcycle accident. (1:32)
- His hand gestures captivate the people around him, despite his quiet speaking voice.
- By taking up space with your hands while you speak, you signal that even though you’re speaking quietly, you deserve to be heard. (2:00)
Trick: Hold attention with eye contact. (2:09)
- Holding eye contact conveys confidence and keep others engaged no matter if you are flirting or giving a pitch at work.
- Example: Mad Man clips (2:14)
- You don’t have to hold prolonged eye contact makes.
- Looking away at times either when you’re forming thoughts or remembering a story can make your conversation feel more genuine (2:38)
- Key: Not making unblinking eye contact but to make sure you return to making eye contact once you’ve figured out what to say. (2:52)
- Example: George Clooney. A fantastic model for this boomerang style of eye contact.
Trick: Taking pauses mid-sentence while speaking. (3:26)
- A common mistake: taking big pauses at the end of their sentences.
- This leaves you vulnerable to being cut off.
- Not necessarily because people don’t respect you but because they think you’re done speaking.
- This leaves you vulnerable to being cut off.
- Benefit: pause mid-sentence helps draw people in and make it obvious that you are not finished speaking. (3:42)
- Example: Emma Watson discussing the surprising benefit of reading critical Instagram comments. (3:51)
- A 1 second pause is a great way to make something funnier. (4:14)
- Example: Ryan Gosling
2. Share Praise to Others.
Trick: Share praise with others.
- You redirect attention, but you remain charismatic.
- Example Chris Hemsworth giving credit to the director. (4:55)
- This habit is super helpful in any team environment (e.g., sports, group projects, your job).
One mistake: Some people mistakenly think the best way to earn respect is to try to take all the credit for everything they’re involved in. (5:28)
- Ironically, by sharing the praise with others, you earn respect both for your achievement and for your humility.
- Bonus: When teammates you’re praising hear you shared credit with them, they’ll like you more.
- Example: Keanu Reeves praising his stuntman (5:47)
- One Key thing: It isn’t about lowering yourself; it’s about elevating others. (6:28)
- Notice Reeves does not duck compliments entirely or downplay your own accomplishments.
3. Use Body Language.
Trick: Use your body language to exude confidence even when you’re listening. (6:51)
- A common mistake: Being loud or having loud body language is the only way to be charismatic.
- Example: George Clooney whose body language isn’t big or loud but is relaxed and confident. (7:21)
Things to do to project confidence when you are sitting while listening: (7:39)
- Lean back.
- Sit asymmetrically.
- Take up the unoccupied space around you.
- Example: Matthew McConaughey (7:49)
4. Be Non-Reactive
Trick: Being non-reactive can command respect and radiate confidence. (8:03)
- Probably easier if you are natually quiet.
- Example: In The Witcher, Gerald remains non-reactive when Jennifer is yelling at him. (8:12)
- Example: Kobe Bryant when challenged by Matt Barnes. (8:27)
- Not reacting is all it takes to look confident!
But you don’t have to be stoic to command respect or show confidence. (8:45)
- Example: Ryan Gosling‘s viral reaction at the Oscars. (8:49)
- Gosling’s movie La La Land was originally announced as the winner of Best Picture, only to have it taken away.
- Golsing’s explanation on why he was smiling is gold! (9:04)
- The ability to laugh or even just quietly smile in a situation where other people might freak out screams of self-confidence.
- You’re basically saying, “Whatever this is I’m facing, I know I’ll be okay.”